"So he has long legs, he gets that from me"

First, I'd like to say that I'm not a 'feelings' person. For anyone who knows me, I like to keep things light and most importantly funny. I've never shared these thoughts with anyone not even Pete but my purpose is not to be sad and depressed but to be real. Happiness and sadness are parts of life and this is mine.

Pete and I were married for exactly 6 months when we found out that we were going to have a baby. I remember I gave Pete a card for our 6 months anniversary and I sign it "we love you daddy". It totally went over his head and I had to just tell him. So much for being clever.

We were so excited and I was, like every newly pregnant woman, paranoid. I was counting down the days to feel my baby move and I couldn't wait until our first ultrasound. We went to our first ultrasound when I was 19 weeks pregnant. I couldn't hold in the excitement. We all had our bets on whether it was a boy or a girl. My mom and sister in law Christy join us for the big reveal. As I laid there, starring at the computer screen, waiting for my baby to be revealed, all I could think is this is real, I'm going to see my baby! We saw him moving all over the place. Then she showed us the money shot. He was a boy alright! She checked all the things she was supposed to but then she focused on something (I had no idea what was going on). She left the room and brought in the Dr. but still no one is saying anything to me. I caught the tech wispering something to the Dr about his legs and of couse, me trying to be funny I say "so he has long legs, he gets that from me!". He didnt laugh, tough crowd. The mood changed real quick. He told me that my babys legs are much larger than they should be. That there is extra fluid surrounding his legs and up though his abdomen. He had another Dr take a look and they were puzzeled. Neither one of them have ever seen anything like it before. They leave and no one in the room is talking. What do you say? They asked me to come into a room and talk to the genetic lady there. The Dr came in and said my baby had "deformaties". It was all I could do to hold back my tears. "Deformaties". How can you just say that to a scared mother without blinking.

We went thought a slew of questions from the genetic counselor and got nowhere. She decided to put Jackson ultrasound pictures on a medical board to try and get some feedback from anyone who could explain what was happening.

We left and as I was walking to the car I could feel the anexiety crawling up my throat. I couldn't get to the car fast enough. As soon as I shut the door, I lost it. All I could say is...why me?